


and the world falls apart one more day (you can't just piece it back together)

by StarthornFromScratch



Series: Assorted Minecraft Crap [5]
Category: Gameknight999 - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Offline, FOR my Wattpad, Feyd is an enderman, Gameknight999, Heavy Angst, High School, It's a REALLY good book series I seriously recommend it, Offline AU, Oneshot, School age angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Xa Chary Reaper and any others with names are also from Gameknight, You don't see that much, be careful, but in this he is human, maybe? - Freeform, not beta read we die like Feyd in canon, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-22
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-28 17:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30142875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarthornFromScratch/pseuds/StarthornFromScratch
Summary: Human/Offline!Feyd for a little angst oneshot.
Series: Assorted Minecraft Crap [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147808
Kudos: 1





	and the world falls apart one more day (you can't just piece it back together)

**Author's Note:**

> I... Uh.... Decided to write a GK999 fic.  
> It's just a short little oneshot because I really miss the fandom. (I put it Wattpad for the two people left in the fandom) this was written on my mom's 2014 IPad please applaud me /j except the part about where it was written
> 
> This one's for you Dark! I know how much you love Feyd. :)

Feyd Emerson closed the door to his room, taking a shaking breath before pressing his back up against the wall. The way his sore muscles crushed themselves when faced with the hard surface was comforting, at least more so than having nothing to lean against. He hated feeling trapped but that feeling was usually overruled by feeling _safe_ in a confined position.

It was nice to have a place to escape to.

It was nice to have a place where he could shut out the fracturing world for just a moment.

It was nice when he could run away.

Somehow, somewhere deep in his body, he felt safer when he was alone despite the crushing urge to go to his friends and ask for help. To tell them that he needed advice, that he needed a hug, that he needed at least a little more than the nothing he currently had requested. He didn't know what they would say if they knew how hard he was struggling, and he really hoped they wouldn't react negatively, but he almost felt it was worth risking their trust to get help.

Well, it wasn't really help he was looking for, just someone who understood how he felt. (Or even if they couldn't relate personally someone who could empathize with his pain.)

It wasn't anything specific he was struggling with but rather that all those intrusive thoughts just wouldn't go away. The ones that kept asking ' _what happens if I fail?' 'what if they hate me for these choices?' 'how hard will it be once I have to provide for myself?'_

All those thoughts that just made him feel more helpless than he had ever though possible. Well, at least more helpless than he had ever felt before he had started to 'mature'. Before all these ideas had been forced into his head by the simple act of _growing up_.

Surely his friends would not mind of he told them in this case? If he had been so heavily effected by the stress of looking into future possibility's there was no reason why his friends wouldn't be too. 

Oxus, Chary, Reaper, Xa, all of them.

He was sure that even the girls he had met all those years ago- what had their names been? Shal... something? He shook his head, grateful in only the back of his mind for the short break from the helpless thoughts, whatever their names had been he was certain that by this point they had experienced similarly intrusive thoughts. It was almost comforting realizing that people outside of his friend circle probably struggled with the same things.

An oddly placed sense of pride filled his chest (right before deflating to half of it's strength). He was part of a bigger picture, a bigger picture where most everyone struggled with the same thoughts. A bigger picture where in reality there was no 'main character', not even Chary who so often joked about him being so.

Really he wasn't certain why the idea made him feel better, it just did.

Slowly, almost torturously slowly, he lifted his back from the wall and finally was able to appreciate the lack of pressure. Odd how in order to enjoy it he had to put himself in a situation where something else (which regularly worked as a coping mechanism) released the stress which he formally felt in the position which became hard to feel safe in.

He grimaced uncomfortably to himself to push the already returning thoughts away. He had to get back out there, back out into the world, and push himself to complete all those things he had been pushing away. The very thought sent chills down his spine as the stress came flooding back. He staggered, the panic coming almost twofold, before falling back against the wall and pressing against it as hard as he could.

Squeezing his eyes shut and choking back a groan he willed, no forced, his kind to move to other topics. 

_How about a minute or two of appreciating your friends_? he suggested to himself in nearly audible (though still internal) words, _that usually gets your mind off things_.

But when he tried to think about the others, the people who had literally just helped to get his kind off the panic that just wouldn't stop setting in, the images of their cheery faces crumpled beneath the weight of negativity. His feet stumbled against themselves and his slid down the wall a bit- almost as though he were knocked off a higher up ledge due to the way he caught himself with his knees near bent. He wouldn't let himself fall the the floor but yet he couldn't force himself to stand up again.

So he crouched against the wall, scrabbling through his thoughts in a desperate attempt to come up with other things that could distract him. It wasn't a wall sit that his gym teacher would be proud of but the faint burn in the higher sections of his thighs was enough to bring his foggy mind back to semi-logic.

"Exercise," he mumbled to himself, the word fading into a gasp as he lowered his position against the wall. He knew this was a tactic many people used to distract themselves form things they didn't want to think about, he'll, he was pretty sure that he had even heard Xa hinting at using this sort of tactic at least once or twice.

It wasn't long before his deep breaths turned to chopped up pants, a smile started to form on his face. This was a good distraction! (Maybe, to be honest, he should listen more closely to what his friends did to deal with stress because even though this hadn't directly been formed from advice the idea was still good. He didn't want to overwork himself, of course, but the general idea seemed cool.) He lifted himself off the wall and this time the thoughts didn't come back. They were still there, burning at the back of his mind and waiting for the floodgates to open and to be relapsed some later time, but for the time being he was distracted from them.

Near-skipping out of the room (happy to have successfully freed himself from the panic of the future) he let the casual thoughts that he wanted to think cross his mind. Other ideas for coping like Chary's advice to 'put on makeup' and to 'take a hot bath' seemed appealing, though he knew that his skin (which was sensitive to water) probably wouldn't enjoy it much. So he let other things come to mind- that advice which Erebus had told him so many years ago back in some elementary school club about reminding himself who he was and how much he mattered floated to the top of the mix. Smirking, Feyd let himself relish in the fact that Erebus had told it as a joke back then but had since seemed to take it to heart, finding himself to be almost of a higher magnitude than all the other students.

He shook his head, still smiling. There was no way he was going to fall into those same footsteps.

The next idea that came to mind was only slightly more logical.

Reaper, who was another one of his friends, often mentioned that he did homework whenever he got stressed about things. To be fair Feyd thought that this might only make things worse seeing as what he was stressed about was often the homework itself but he supposed that forcing himself into the task which he so dreaded might help. It was logical in the way that it worked and not quite the way which he would go about forcing himself to do it.

He smiled to himself, maybe he could force himself to deal with this after all.

* * *

The next day at school was as uneventful as always, just forcing himself to work through the day in the exact same way he forced himself to live through his thoughts at him. Of course now, in school, he could keep his mind off them by the sheer amount of work which was pressed on him every day. He enjoyed it in that sense- seeing as he didn't have to drop into a wall sit to get his mind off things.

Walking through the hallway (he had been excused to go to the bathroom) he marveled over his success the day before. That is to say his success in getting his mind of those intrusive thoughts.

Pushing open the door helped his mouth twist into a smile- he was doing surprisingly well today!

But not wanting to jinx it he took a few steps forward, glancing into the mirror and checking if his hair was still presentable. He wasn't in a rush to go the bathroom, not really. But then, thinking about if he should comb his hair to the right or left something behind him caught his eye. He turned on his heel (gently and not as violently spinning as such a phrase might make it seem) and walked towards what had caught his eye.

Be blinked in mild surprise. It was a few works scratched into the door of one of the toilets.

"W _hen the world falls apart.._." he read out loud, tilting his head as his eyes scanned the text that was scratched almost franticly into the outside of the stall door, "... _you can't just put it back together_."

Frowning the student glanced from side to side, weird, there was no one else in the bathroom at the moment who could have written it. His gaze turned worried when he wondered what the (presumably) student had been going through when they had scrapped the ventful phrase into the metal door. He hoped they weren't going through something awful just as he sometimes did when he managed to get down in the dumps.

Taking a step back the tall boy contemplated his choices.

It didn't take that long to decide.

Pulling a sharpie out from his back pocket (he didn't remember leaving it there either but it was a good thing that he had it on him) he set forward and leaned against the door. It creaked gently but still held itself in place (it was jammed into submission by his foot). He mumbled to himself as he scrawled a few more words onto the metal. Only distantly wondering if a carving would do the trick better before he threw away the thought, knowing that even a good deed through graffiti wasn't likely to get applauded by the school staff.

Finally he took a step back to admire his work- the sentence that had been added to the despairing one left by some other student.

' _But you can always pick up some glue and force it back into place._ '

It may not have been the prettiest or neatest or even politest way he could have said it but... it seemed to convey the picture he wanted to paint with the words.

Again reading aloud he finished the phrase, " _When the world falls apart,"_ said the words of the other student, quickly followed by the rest of their sentence, " _you can't just put it back together._ But-" these were his words now, "you can always pick up some glue and force it back into place."

He beamed, that conveyed the message well enough.

It wasn't hopeless.

Sure they all still had worries and fears and bumps and twists to work through but it wasn't hopeless.

They could get through this together.

**Author's Note:**

> (...also wow. I didn't know I still had it in me to write vent fics, that's amusing actually. I know the plot and thought process in this might not make sense but just know this is exactly how my brain wraps around panic about the future- just, ya know, forcing itself onto other topics.)
> 
> I know there isn't really a plot and it's all over the place but I just really want to grow this fandom and so I pulled this crap out of my head and threw it at the keyboard! :D


End file.
